mommy maverick

If you’re anything like me, you like to take care of things yourself. Not just some things, but ALL of the things. I’ve always been the type that wants to do things on my own, where I’m in control of what’s happening and how it’s happening, both at home and at work. This ‘can do’ and ‘should do’ attitude, while noble, is actually counterproductive. It’s this attitude that led me straight to burnout. To put it simply – just because you can do it all doesn’t mean you should. Let me give you two examples.

Home Life: I love throwing parties – I enjoy the planning, picking out the decorations, and coming up with all of the little details to make the party special. I would make it a point to do it all myself, and everything had to be perfect. But, by the time the party came, I would be so stressed out and burnt out that I didn’t enjoy the party at all. In fact, I couldn’t wait for the party to be over. I was so consumed by the idea of the party that I didn’t focus on the reasons I was having the party in the first place – to bring people together and create lasting memories. I rarely asked for help because I wanted to be accredited with the success of the party. I thrived off of comments like “wow, you’re so amazing to have put this all together – where’d you find the time?”. I know exactly where I found the time – I stole it from time I could’ve spent taking care of myself or having fun with my husband and my kids. It sounds so silly, doesn’t it? Once I decided to bite the bullet and ask for help with the party prep and clean up, I actually started to be present at parties and enjoy the special moments with family and friends.

Work Life: I have high expectations at work, both for myself and my coworkers. I like things done a certain way and in a certain amount of time. I’m an achiever – I thrive off of completing projects accurately and ahead of schedule. Earlier in my career, I was reluctant to involve my coworkers in projects I was spearheading. If it wasn’t being done my way, I didn’t want them doing it. I couldn’t risk anyone impacting my ‘stellar’ reputation. And so, my project list continued to grow, deadlines were creeping up, and I soon found myself working 12-14 hour days and weekends to get these projects done. I started doing projects half-assed because I couldn’t keep up – some much for that ‘stellar’ reputation I mentioned. And once I had my kids, I could not sustain this work schedule. I quickly realized that being a great leader means empowering those around me to get the job done. I had to accept that there is more than one way of doing things. And once I did, my career took off.

I think all mothers fear being judged. We believe not only that we should be able to do it all, but that we have to.  We believe that asking for help equates to us admitting defeat, that we are a failure. Asking for help also means relinquishing control. Relinquishing control when it comes to your family and your career can feel uncomfortable and even cause mom guilt. The negative self-talk we are all too familiar with pops up over and over again – “If I can’t do it all, I’m not a good enough wife, employee, mother….”. Yikes. This is a tremendous amount of pressure to put on ourselves, and working moms feel this pressure two-fold. The ‘can do’ and ‘should do’ approach is NOT sustainable for working moms. It only sets us up for failure, disappointment, and loss of self. We have to ask for help – we need to tap into ‘our village’.

We’ve all heard the phrase ‘it takes a village’ when it comes to raising our kids. Having a village is especially important for working moms. A village can be comprised of family, friends, professionals, and more. The people in your village genuinely want to help you and see you succeed. Just having one or two people in your village can be a real game-changer.

Asking for help doesn’t diminish your capabilities; instead, it means that you are resourceful and also responsible with your time. If you are a working mom currently climbing or that dreams of climbing the corporate ladder, time will become more scarce and thus more valuable. You have to be intentional about where you spend your time and energy. Sure, you could bake the cupcakes for the bake sale and do that fancy icing you saw on Pinterest, or, you could just go to the store and buy some pre-made cupcakes. Susie’s mom may throw you a dirty look when you show up to the bake sale with store bought cupcakes, but you intentionally decided to use the time you would have spent baking cupcakes and instead have a special outing with your kids. And at the end of the day, that’s what matters. To truly thrive as a Mom-Mav, you have to figure out how to get some things done with and through other people so that you can spend your time on what’s most important to you. So, toss the ‘can do’ and ‘should do’ and tap into your village – those ‘who can’ and ‘are happy to’ people in your life. And make sure you remember to thank them.

Your Coach,

Kristyn