mommy maverick

It was March 2020. I was a new mom, with a less than one year old, and a demanding job. My husband and I had gone through the process of finding a sitter we could trust, and I had just returned to work. I had battled through the initial feelings of mom guilt and was starting to gain my footing at work, but it was hard. I was struggling to balance the demands of motherhood and career. It was an overwhelming time in my life. And that’s when the pandemic forced us into lock down.  

My husband did not have the ability to work from home, and so it was on me to take care of my daughter while continuing to work full-time. Every single day was a challenge. And while there were so many horrible things happening in the world as a result of the pandemic, things that were much bigger than what I was experiencing in my life, I was consumed by my own personal struggle. The days were long and exhausting. I had no idea how to work from home. I believed that I had to give 100% to both work and my daughter, no exceptions. This meant working early in the morning and late into the night, even after getting up multiple times throughout the night with my daughter. This meant casting my own needs aside to make sure nothing at work slipped and that my daughter was well taken care of. This meant staying in my pajamas all day. This meant no exercise. This meant being unable to cope with even the slightest inconvenience. This meant the occasional panic attack. I was a ball of stress and anxiety, a complete and total mess. I lost weight from having ‘no time’ to eat, and was experiencing severe acne, hair loss, and intense stomach issues. I sacrificed my sleep, my health, and my sanity to get it all done. This went on for well over a year. And in that time, I became pregnant with my son.

As 2021 came to a close, and we started to see a light at the end of the pandemic tunnel, I was burnt out. I was now juggling two kids. Maternity leave was coming to an end and I was gearing up for my return to work. I so desperately wanted to make a change that would help me feel like me again, and that would allow me to be the mother, wife and professional I wanted to be. I decided to take a moment to think about the goals I could set for myself in the new year. I took out a piece of paper and wrote the following:

2022 Daily Goals for Self-Care

• Eat well
• Drink water 40+ ounces
• Exercise 30+ minutes
• Stretch 10+ minutes
• Meditate 5+ minutes
• Sleep 7-8 hours
• Skin Care 5 minutes
• Take vitamins
• Practice gratitude

But for me to get to a point of prioritizing these goals, there was something I had to do first: change my mindset. Without changing my mindset with respect to motherhood, career, and self-care, I could not accomplish the goals on my list. I had to give myself permission to take care of me. I had to frame self-care in a way that without it, I couldn’t be the best version of myself for my kids and my husband. I had to give myself permission to leave work at work – to turn it off once 5PM hit. I had to give myself the permission to delegate tasks to others at work and at home. I had to give myself the permission to be imperfect. I had to begin viewing challenges as a learning experience, and situations in the context of ‘will this even matter tomorrow, a week from now, or a year from now?’. I had to shift from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. And with this change in mindset, I slowly tackled the goals on my list, and overtime was able to form them into habits.

I don’t always have it all together, and my mindset isn’t always perfect, but I know now that it’s okay not to have it all together. And I know the importance of being kind to myself, and framing situations in a way that benefits me rather than hurts me. Changing your mindset takes time, dedication, and self-reflection. It’s hard work. It’s uncomfortable. It requires continuous effort. For me, it was meditation that taught me how to audit and filter my thoughts. It took months for me to get there, but that investment of my time has been returned back to me in so many positive ways.

This was a difficult post for me to write, but an important one. It’s hard for me, and I’m sure some of you, to be vulnerable, when we are the ones that are supposed to have it all together. I still have that piece of paper with the handwritten list of my goals. It lives on my desk. I keep it out in the open as a constant reminder that life is about progress, not perfection. I continue to commit to these goals. The ‘change your mindset, change your life’ mantra, while cliché, is true. Mindset matters. What the little voice in our head says, matters. I hope that from my story you can find inspiration to change your life, one thought at a time.

Your Coach,

Kristyn